Journal Entry #16: Free Write

Journal Entry #16: "Let This Light Explode"

Write about a topic of your choice.

The other day, I invited a few friends over. We watched some UFC and drank some beers (between you and I, haha), and everything seemed normal. It wasn’t until everyone had left around 2am that I came to a realization: I hadn’t seen one of those friends in over a year, and the rest hadn’t seen him in over two. It seemed strange, because he had only moved to St. Catharines. It wasn’t as if he’d moved hours away. Feeling inspired, I decided that, at 2am, I would write a blog about my feelings toward my friends, and what I feel the future holds for all of us in regards to staying close. I went upstairs to the computer to see a note posted on the screen: "Computer’s got a virus, leave it off." Damn. What’s worse, is that due to the fact that I’ve become rather technologically-inclined, I found myself unable to formulate a proper flow of ideas while writing on paper. So, 4 days later, with my computer returned and virus-free, I’ve decided to write the journal entry I intended to write 4 days ago.

I actually started thinking hard about this. I mean, why hadn’t I seen this kid, one of my best friends, in over a year? It’s not like it would have even been hard. He’d asked me a few days earlier if I was free this weekend, and we made plans. Simple as that. I don’t know why I hadn’t done it sooner. It seems ridiculous. We’d drifted apart for no real reason, and I didn’t like it. (At this point, I should remark on the frustration I’m feeling in writing this journal. I have so much I want to say, yet I’m unsure of how to say it, or how to make it all connect. I have paragraphs spaced out over 2 pages, and I don’t know what to do with them). What’s even more frustrating is that I can’t think of a reason as to why we hadn’t seen each other in so long. I suppose it’s just that people drift apart. It’s unfortunate, but I think I’ll drift apart from a lot of my other friends in the near future.

One thing I’ve noticed about myself is that I have several different groups of friends, and I spend a lot of time with a lot of different people doing different things. I don’t like how I’ll lose some of these friends eventually. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m going to end up with no friends, haha. I just know that many of these friends will become a thing of the past. I’m just thinking about how much I’ll miss doing all these things, and all these people.

With university being just months away, and everyone thinking about where they’re going to go, I couldn’t help but start thinking. We’re all going to drift apart from each other. Not even drift apart, explode apart. We'll explode from the confines of our little high school, and go flying off into countless different directions like rays of light. While I was reading in the library today, I started talking to a few of my friends, and we began discussing what we were doing next year. Two plan on going to college, two plan on going to university, and one is coming back for 12B. The ones who plan on going to college and university plan on going to different ones. We all seemed pretty (for lack of a better word at this time) bummed out by the end of the conversation. I brought this up in fourth period, and got the same answers, everyone is doing something different. I really don’t like this. While it’s a given that I will meet new people regardless of where I go next year, I wish I was able to keep all the ones I have now. But I think it’s going to be excruciatingly difficult to do so, considering I can’t even keep in touch with one who lives 10 minutes away. I’m sure many people feel the same way I do about this topic. Thoughts like this are really causing me to make as many memories as I can in these last few months.

If I could remember every memory between my friends and I, every funny moment, every inside joke, I would be in a vegetative state. This is because every area of my brain would be crammed with memories, and would have no spare room for the parts that control any bodily functions, such as breathing. My point being: I’ve made a lot of memories. The problem with this idea is I don’t have all that spare room, and these memories fade. I don’t remember most of the good times I had in grade 1-8 with my friends, and I’m sure the same will happen in the future with the memories I’ve made now. Many of them will just fade, and that’s a shame.

I should also apologize, as I don’t intend to sound like I’m whining, or pessimistic. Both are just coming natural to me right now. However, all this thought on the subject has made me realize how much I really should just appreciate the time I have left with these friends, and all the memories I should make, regardless of whether or not they fade in the future. I should also be looking forward to the prospect of the future, rather than dreading it. I should let this light explode. Though I’m not looking forward to it now, I’m sure I will in time. On that note, I’m exhausted, and, after trimming down this massive journal, plan on going to bed.

Original version: 1527 words
Submitted version: 1000 words

Narrative Poem: The Crooked Mile

The Crooked Mile

And so he’s at it again
He’s on another bender
He’s thinking about giving in
But his liver won’t surrender

So he continues to swallow them down
As everyone cheers him on
He’s like a king, with no throne or crown
Just the barstool he’s perched upon

Around 3 a.m., he bids goodnight
With nothing more than a smile
Then he vomits under a streetlight
And chooses to wander around for a while

He stumbles around for an hour or three
Walking a crooked mile
Until he decides to climb up a tree
As if, in this state, he’s versatile

After climbing for a while, he looks around
How in the world did he climb this high?
He loses his grip, and plummets to the ground
While he flaps both his arms, trying to fly

He hits the dirt, and gets to his feet
Now he just wants to go home
The thought of his bed seems oh so sweet
And so he chooses to no longer roam

In no time it seems, he makes it to his house
He can’t wait to go inside
He scurries to the door, as quick as a mouse
Excited for the warmth his house will provide

He reaches into his pocket with a drunken grace
It was quite a sight for the eyes to see
But you should have seen the look on his face
When he realized he’d lost his house key

Poem: Redemption

Redemption

Nothing is safe
Not memories, not justified angst
Swallowed whole, with no escape,
Just time to waste
With a distress too much to console
Fiercely feeding on self-loathing and denial

The wretched memory
Of a day turned black
The reason I’ve come to say
"I’ll fail you"

I’ve lost all respect for what I have left
I’m holding up strong, yet I’m falling apart at the seams
These memories make it so hard to sleep

The sound of a name
It’s been so long
Invoking tempers
Within those without deaf ears
With a tragically failed attempt at "redemption"

Words long since discarded
Re-emerge, to have me sink a knee deeper still
Inciting remorse and regret from times before
As familiar markings quickly become foreign

The wretched memory
Of a day turned black
The reason I’ve come to say
"I’ll fail you"

I’ve lost all respect for what I have left
I’m holding up strong, yet I’m falling apart at the seams
These memories make it so hard to sleep

These hearts beat deep within the shallowest depths
And cry out "salvation"
But nothing will save you here
In a coat of despair
Held under a shattering force
With no acceptance of the present

Nothing is safe
Not memories, not justified angst
Swallowed whole, with no escape, just time to waste

The wretched memory
Of a day turned black
The reason I’ve come to say
"I’ll fail you"

I’ve lost all respect for what I have left
I’m holding up strong, yet I’m falling apart at the seams
These memories make it so hard to sleep

Journal Entry #15: "Digital Education"

Journal Entry #15: "Digital Education"

It was really impressive to see some EWC students helping Mr. MacDonald's law class get into the 'blogosphere.' I realized that as a group this semester's EWC students have some specialized skills that are likely to serve them well in various contexts (school, work, recreation).

How do you feel about blogging now that you have had an opportunity to develop a history with it over the past two and a half months? Do you feel that you are more or less organized and productive than you would be "the old fashioned way?" What are some of the advantages? What are some of the drawbacks? What advice might you give to students starting the course next semester about how to get the most out of their blogging experience?

In the past few months, I’ve really come to like using the blog to submit assignments. I find that it makes things a lot easier. If I finish an assignment, regardless of when, I can just go online and submit it. I don’t have to wait until the next day, or Monday, which is good considering I’m not very organized and have lost assignments in the past. That’s another reason why I like the blog: I’m not organized. My binder (until today) was full of loose, scrambled papers. The blog allows me to take up minimal space in my binder, which is a definite plus. As a matter of fact, today I organized my binder, and divided all of my subjects into separate binders, instead of the single binder I had prior. I was very surprised to find that, out of the 200+ pages in my binder, only 6 of them were from this course. If only sociology was done online. . . The blog is also very effective because I’m only given the necessary work for the class, rather than a bunch of internet print-offs on the subject (as I can just research information on the subject on the computer during class). I also like how a calendar which contains outlines and information for all our assignments is posted each month. That makes it extremely easy for me to know exactly what to do, how to do it, and when it’s due. I find that I’m also able to get more work done by working online, as I type much faster than I write (I would consider myself to be a fast typer, but a slow writer). The fact remains, working online has definitely helped me stay organized, and on top of my work in this class.

On the other hand, I feel it is damaging my productivity. While I don’t go on Facebook during class, a few other students and I will get sidetracked by looking up things on websites such as Wikipedia. The problem with this situation is that you can’t block every website, as we all explore the internet when we do our assignments (researching writers, looking at poems, etc.). It’s a situation that relies heavily on trust, and some of us abuse that trust.

While an almost entirely online course is a great idea, it's not without it's faults, though they are few in number, and minor. The main problem I find with the online aspect of this course is how frustratingly slow the internet is at times. I’m not sure what causes the internet to work so slowly, but I’m getting pretty sick of reinstalling FireFox every day just so I can use the internet at a decent speed. This is likely just due to the amount of people using the internet at the same time throughout the school, though. Another minor drawback with the online aspect, in my opinion, is using Diigo. Don't get me wrong, I think it is a great feature, and makes it easy for me to check my marks, and view comments. I just hate how I have to search the list of recent activity in order to find comments on my posts. Then, once I find one, I have to do it again for other posts, as Diigo won’t just save a list of all comments on every post of mine in one section. I’m fairly sure that there must be a way to change this, but I haven’t really tried to. The only other problem I find with the online aspect is typing on Blogger. At times, I will try to change a characteristic of certain words, and the whole entry will be affected (becoming a larger size, bolded, etc.). It’s not that I don’t know how to use these features, it’s that they don’t work properly at times. I’ll try to centre a title, and the entire post will centre. No matter what I do to correct it, I can’t. The entire thing will be either centred, or none of it will. There are other times when I’ll try to put spaces between paragraphs, and it won’t let me. There will be spaces on the pre-submitted form, but there will be no spaces once I submit it. If that happens, I have to deal with the annoyance of putting in the HTML code equivalent of hitting the "Enter" key. These are all minor annoyances though, and are small in comparison to the pros of using the internet.

To other students who use a blog in the future, the only advice I could really give is: "don’t get frustrated at the things I just mentioned," "use FireFox" "save your work," and "try to stay on task." The internet can get extremely slow, to the point of sheer frustration, and it’s so easy to get distracted, as you are given more freedom than you would in other classes. Just force yourself to not check Facebook every 10 minutes, and don’t let the little things get to you, because using the internet is so rewarding in the long run for this class. Also, save your work. Nothing is as frustrating as losing something you've written, or having to re-type it. As long as you follow that advice, I can’t see you having much of a problem in this course.

Ode To The Night

Ode To The Night

The world is a different place at night
As moonlight casts shadows from overhead
I walk the streets in the glow of moonlight
While all the world has long since gone to bed

As these lit streetlights line every street
The stars hang up above, light years away
While we cast shadows clear enough to trace
But what really makes the night seem complete
Is that there are no feelings of dismay
As I wander, wrapped in the night’s embrace

But sooner or later the sun will rise
To signal the beginning of the day
To the dismay of my dilated eyes
It’s a shame that we have to part this way

So, for the moment, I must say goodbye
To the time when I breathe the midnight air
The time when we all look like silhouettes
As the sun begins to crack through the sky
I see it quite fit to simply declare
That I know the night’s as good as it gets

Choice Poem(s)

Choice Poems

Here are three poems I've written over the past two days in class, I'm submitting them as the "Poem[s] of [My] Choice."

Shot For Shot

Shot for shot
These bullets rip through me
And it’s impossible to stand tall through it all
When this back supports a mountain
As the shattering precision in a voice
Pierces with such intent
With such malice, that it could put any bullet to shame

Yet I surrender
To nothing
And run
From no one
“These scars will fade, fight on.”

Believe I’m trying to fight for what I believe in,
But I’ve become near-catatonic
From going through the motions, again and again
I’m trying my hardest, but I know I can’t win.

At what time have you lost the war:
When you first fall,
Or when you can’t get back up?

Yet I surrender
To nothing
And run
From no one
“These scars will fade, fight on.”

Believe I’m trying to fight for what I believe in,
But I’ve become near-catatonic
From going through the motions, again and again
I’m trying my hardest, but I know I can’t win.

Yet I surrender
To nothing
And run
From no one
“These scars will fade, fight on.”


Oh, The Irony

The day is over
But time is meaningless to me
In a drunken stupor, I rehearse this as I walk the streets

So far from sober
Kept company by loneliness
Could you put me back together?
It seems I’ve become quite the mess.

There’s an image burned in the back of my eyes
Second face is failure if you play for first prize
Oh, the irony

The street lights shine over
As if to further mute this silence
And come tomorrow I may forget all these words meant.

I can’t keep drinking
But I think I just might
Because everything’s looking much darker tonight

There’s an image burned in the back of my eyes
Second face is failure if you play for first prize
Oh, the irony

The weight of my words, nothing could compare
But it’s hard to speak when I’m choking on air
Oh, the irony

I feel like I'm walking on a wire
And I feel like no one can relate
I deserve better
But I could care less
I’m getting too caught up in this

I feel like I'm walking on a wire
And I feel like no one can relate
I deserve better
But I could care less
I’m getting too caught up in this

There’s an image burned in the back of my eyes
Second face is failure if you play for first prize
Oh, the irony

The weight of my words, nothing could compare
But it’s hard to speak when I’m choking on air
Oh, the irony

There’s an image burned in the back of my eyes
Second face is failure if you play for first prize
Oh, the irony

Oh, the irony.


Waiting For Things To Change

We’ve all fallen down before
We’ve all landed face first before
We’ve all seen things we didn’t want to see
We’ve all been things we didn’t want to be

Some things just make me sick
And I’m tired of dealing with it
It’s more than I can take
And I’m so tired of staying up late
Waiting for things to change

Everyone’s face is painted
Everyone’s trying to hide themselves
I shouldn’t need paint thinner just to see
What everyone around me is really thinking

Some things just make me sick
And I’m tired of dealing with it
It’s more than I can take

Some things just make me sick
And I’m tired of dealing with it
I’m so tired of staying up late
Waiting for things to change

Journal Entry #14: "Nurturing Your Inner Writer"

Journal Entry #14: "Nurturing Your Inner Writer"

To what extent are people born writers? How much are they able to cultivate the writer within through education and experience?

What activities and experiences can you engage in in order to develop your inner writer? What part of your past has best helped you become the writer you are now? How motivated are you to continue developing your writing ability over a lifetime?

In my opinion, people really aren’t born writers. Nobody is born to do anything. While it would be an interesting concept, that certain people were destined for a certain thing, I just don’t believe it. Rather, I believe that people can show a knack for doing a certain thing early in life, something they become passionate about, and nurture throughout their life through practice in order to become extremely talented at it. The things a writer experiences in life can become the greatest influence in their writing. There is no doubt that the things we experience influence who we are and what we do, so it is only natural that this would also be an influence on what someone writes. However, it is also important that a writer is educated on how to write properly. While it is important for a writer to forge their own path, why bother if the person wasn’t taught how to walk down that path properly? Anyone who is good at anything had to be taught how to do it first.

There are several activities that I engage in in order to develop my inner writer. First of all, I took this course. I figure spending about 300 minutes a week focusing on writing is a great way to become better at it, especially when that is the entire purpose of the class. Another way I try to develop my inner writer is by asking people what they think of my writing. I constantly have people look over the things I write, asking for things I could improve on. I’m also very critical of my writing. Even if people compliment the things I write, I typically don’t agree. While that’s not necessarily a good trait of mine, there is no doubt in my opinion that it helps me nurture my inner writer, by forcing myself to always strive to produce the best writing I can.

There aren’t many things in my past that have helped me become the writer I am now. I was never encouraged to write, it was just something that I decided to do on my own. However, like everyone, there are past experiences that give me something to write about. While it may not always be positive things I write about, I find that most people like what I write regardless. Some of my writing isn’t even from my perspective. For example, the majority of the poetry I’ve submitted is from others' perspectives of situations, and one of the poems I’m considering submitting comes from the perspective of someone who is intoxicated at the time (though I obviously don’t get drunk and write poetry). My point of all this being, I’m never left with nothing to write about, be it about me or not.

I’m extremely motivated to continue my writing ability throughout my life. I started writing on my own time as early as grade 3, maybe even earlier. I remember my class would write stories back in grade 3 that we would read to the rest of the class, and I would have twice as many written compared to the rest of the class. Thinking of how much my writing has developed since then, I look forward to seeing how much more I can develop it. I’d love to become known for my writing, though that may be more of a pipedream. Lately though, I find my life has been too hectic to take time to write, which is very unfortunate. I hope I am able to get everything together so that I am able to continue strongly in this course, and with my writing in general.